Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
Could CFT be right for me?
A compassion-focused approach may be particularly helpful if you struggle with persistent shame, self-criticism or a deep sense of not being good enough.
You may recognise some of the following experiences:
Feeling ashamed of yourself or of things that have happened to you
Feeling worthless or fundamentally flawed, perhaps following experiences such as bullying, neglect or abuse
Hearing an internalised version of other people's critical or rejecting voices
Blaming yourself for things that happened in the past
Being persistently self-critical or feeling that you are your own worst critic
Finding it difficult to believe that you deserve good things in life
Struggling to accept yourself, be kind to yourself or give yourself the same understanding you would readily offer someone else
Finding that you continue to struggle despite having engaged thoughtfully in previous courses of good-quality, evidence-based therapy
For some people, the difficulty is not simply a lack of understanding. You may have developed a more balanced and compassionate way of thinking about yourself at an intellectual level, yet find that this understanding does not fully feel true. You may know, for example, that you matter to the people around you, while still feeling fundamentally unlovable or unworthy of their care. You may recognise that you were not responsible for something that happened to you, while continuing to experience a powerful sense of guilt or self-blame.
CFT pays particular attention to this gap between what we can understand intellectually and what we are able to experience emotionally. It explores how the tone of our inner voice, our expectations of ourselves and our underlying sense of safety can influence how new perspectives are experienced and absorbed. Rather than simply asking you to think differently, CFT helps you develop a more compassionate way of relating to yourself — particularly when you are struggling, have made mistakes or feel threatened, ashamed or inadequate.
For people who have lived with high levels of self-criticism, shame or a limited sense of emotional safety, this can offer a different way of working with difficulties that have proved resistant to other therapeutic approaches. CFT can also complement other forms of evidence-based therapy, including CBT.
Research into CFT is growing, with evidence suggesting that it can be helpful for difficulties involving self-criticism and shame, particularly where these have developed in the context of early experiences of threat, criticism, neglect or trauma.
What do we mean by ‘compassion’ in CFT?
People sometimes worry that taking a compassion-focused approach involves looking at life through a rose-tinted lens, being soft on themselves or simply ‘letting themselves off the hook’. They may imagine that the process will be 'fluffy', wishy-washy or passive.
In CFT, compassion involves developing a wise and courageous commitment to understanding and responding to our own suffering.
Compassion is not about avoiding difficult truths or excusing our behaviour. It means turning towards what is difficult with honesty and courage, while developing the motivation and skills to make meaningful change.
In this sense, compassion is an active process: a commitment to freeing ourselves from patterns that cause suffering and developing more helpful ways of responding.
What does CFT involve?
CFT helps you develop your capacity for compassion towards yourself and others. Whether you are struggling with depression, anxiety, trauma or low self-esteem, the focus is on helping you to:
Better understand your mind, emotions and patterns of responding
Develop ways of cultivating a sense of safeness within yourself and connection with others, using techniques such as breathing, mindfulness, imagery and body posture
Apply these skills to face and work through the difficulties that bring you to therapy
Understanding the three systems
At the heart of CFT is the three systems model, which helps us understand how different emotional and motivational systems influence how we feel and respond.
The three systems are:
The threat system: designed to detect and respond to danger. It is associated with emotions such as anxiety, anger and disgust, and can contribute to self-criticism, shame and a persistent sense of being under threat.
The drive system: motivates us to pursue things that are important to us, such as achieving goals, gaining approval or seeking out rewarding experiences. It can give us energy and motivation, but can also leave us feeling driven to achieve more or prove our worth.
The soothing system: associated with feelings of safeness, contentment and connection. It helps us settle, recover from stress and experience a sense of being cared for and supported.
These systems are part of being human. However, they do not always work in balance. Some people find that their threat system is easily activated, while their soothing system feels less accessible. Others may rely heavily on achievement, approval or staying busy to manage difficult feelings.
CFT helps you understand how these systems operate in your own life and develop ways of bringing them into greater balance. This can include learning to soothe yourself when distressed, respond to yourself with greater compassion and feel safer in your relationships with others.
I find this model particularly valuable because it offers a way of understanding our shared human experiences, including why we can sometimes become caught in states of threat, self-criticism or distress, even when part of us knows there is another way.
If some of these experiences resonate with you, we can explore whether a compassion-focused approach might be helpful.
Take the next step
Taking the first step towards therapy can feel daunting. Speaking to a few therapists can help you find someone you feel comfortable working with.
You are welcome to get in touch to arrange a brief telephone consultation, giving us an opportunity to explore whether I might be the right therapist for you.