Self-Esteem and Self-Criticism
You may find it difficult to feel that you are good enough, to accept yourself as you are or to treat yourself with kindness when things go wrong. You might struggle to believe that you deserve good things in life, or find that you are often your own harshest critic.
These difficulties can develop for many reasons. Experiences such as bullying, rejection, neglect or persistent criticism may leave you feeling inadequate, worthless or fundamentally flawed. You may find that the critical voices of others have become part of how you speak to yourself, or that you carry a strong sense of shame about past events, alongside feelings of guilt or self-blame that are difficult to let go of.
Sometimes, there can be a painful gap between what you understand intellectually and what you feel emotionally. You may recognise that something was not your fault, for example, yet continue to feel responsible. You might know that you have qualities others value, while still struggling to believe that you are worthy of their care or respect.
What can I expect from a CBT approach?
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help you understand how your beliefs about yourself have developed and how they continue to influence the way you think, feel and respond to everyday situations.
Together, we explore the underlying beliefs you hold about yourself, the experiences that may have shaped them, and the patterns of thinking and behaviour that keep them going. You may find yourself interpreting events in ways that reinforce a negative view of yourself, focusing on perceived shortcomings while overlooking your strengths, or setting rigid expectations that leave little room for mistakes.
CBT helps you examine these patterns, develop a more balanced understanding of yourself and test out alternative ways of responding. This may involve learning to recognise self-critical thinking, reconsidering the standards you hold yourself to, and gradually approaching situations you might otherwise avoid for fear of failure, criticism or rejection.
The aim is not to replace a negative view of yourself with an unrealistically positive one, but to develop a more balanced and flexible sense of your worth, which is less dependent on achievement, approval or getting things right.
Could a compassion-focused approach help me?
Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) may be particularly helpful if low self-esteem is accompanied by persistent self-criticism, shame or a deep sense of inadequacy.
Experiences that have left you feeling rejected, criticised or unworthy can contribute to a lasting sense of shame. Our minds are also shaped by an evolved tendency to anticipate threats and protect us from danger, mistakes and rejection. At times, this can contribute to patterns of self-criticism that feel like accurate reflections of who we are, rather than habitual responses shaped by our experiences and our attempts to protect ourselves.
CFT helps you understand these patterns and develop a different way of relating to yourself. Rather than responding to self-criticism with further judgement, you learn to approach your difficulties with greater warmth, wisdom and understanding, while retaining the capacity to take responsibility and make meaningful changes.
Compassion is not about convincing yourself that you are perfect, overlooking your difficulties or seeing yourself through rose-tinted glasses. It involves learning to respond to yourself with the same balance, honesty and care that you might offer someone you value.
Nor is self-compassion about lowering your standards or avoiding challenges. It can help you respond to mistakes with encouragement rather than condemnation, and find the courage to keep trying even when you fear failure, criticism or rejection. Over time, this can support a more secure sense of self-worth, less dependent on meeting demanding expectations or gaining others' approval.
Take the next step
Taking the first step towards therapy can feel daunting. Speaking to a few therapists can help you find someone you feel comfortable working with.
You are welcome to get in touch to arrange a brief telephone consultation, giving us an opportunity to explore whether I might be the right therapist for you.